Dear mum,
Hey mum! How are you there?
Been a lot better right?
I know it. You must have met dad there, right? Oh you guys must be so happy with eachother right now.
But, mum missing you was never getting easier by day, it's getting worse each day. And I hate that feeling.
Time goes so fast, it still feels like it was just yesterday I still talk to you, then look how far we've come!
It's been 365 days, still remember your voice, all the things you told me. Your phone call everyminute when I was going out with friends.
Your phone call everyminute if I went home late.
To be honest I hate that phone call at that time, but guess what mum? Now I miss it so much. Hahaha but time has gone.
I cried endlessly when the doctor said that you died, but I know that all that live must die, passing through nature to eternity.
I don't realize that I have changed so much since last year. But today when I look back, I saw so many differences in my life.
Now, I'm the one that need to wash dishes, take a good care of leo, do the grocery shopping, cook, manage things, and many more. And surely now I am more of a responsible person. And Im happy for it.
And I still remember the things you always told me that if you were gone than I will know how the real life is. And mum, guess what? it is.
Life is never easy, but I manage to go through it a year without you, well eventhough sometimes crying is the only thing that will make me feel better, but after all of this now I know that You are okay there, and I'm happy for that.
Even if I hope that you were still here, but if with your death you will be free from the cancer, then I'm happy mum.
Cause it's better like this, than seeing you being so hurt cause of it.
Cause I know that cancer is really hard to go through and it's really hard to see the person you love go through it.
But that's one thing that I promise to myself that I will try my hardest that my children WILL NEVER have to say 'my mum died of cervix cancer.' Cause I know it is so sad. Cause I have been through it.
I often lie awake at night when the world fast asleep and take a walk down memory lane with tears upon my cheeks. Remembering you was easy, but the hard thing is knowing I can't just hug you.
People gotta judge me maybe when I posted this, telling that I'm an attention seeker or whatever, up to them. I write this based on my feeling, and I don't care what people gotta say, cause I know that this is not a wrong or a criminal thing.
Last but not the least
Mum, for everytime I have let you down, for everytime I made you frown I know it is too late for an apology but still, I want to say sorry, like a fool I never realized the value of having a loving mother like you, I know you wanted me to outshine the rest, I promise to be the best person I can be, I promise to be the winner that you saw in me, it won't go vain, it won't escape your eyes. Cause I know you will be watching on me from the skies.
I miss you mum!
Ecclesiastes 3 : 1
" For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven "
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Sincerely,
Shintya Theresha Silvana
