Heartbreak?

Tuesday, 29th of August 2017

Sometimes I wish things would just happen the way I wish it is. Sometimes I wish I didn't make stupid mistakes, dragging people out of my life, when I know I have fallen too deep for them. And I know Its not them that break me. But its me who break me. Yeah, it kind of happen to many times.

Sometimes when you found someone you love, you would do anything just to always have them by your side. You use to adore them way too much. But things that you dont know is you have fallen too deep for them, so when they move a little there you are, fall and just break. Thats the first condition.

  And second is when you think someone love you too much (when in reality no) you always thought that they will always by yourside, so you kind of not showing any interests. Till the time you feel like if you explode the emotion they won't leave you though, but reality, thats their chance to leave you there. But when they leave you, you wish you could just turn back the time and just adore him more cause you know that you love him too much to let yourself break down again.

  The point is the same. Sometimes when we fell we are too loved by someone we act like they are not really important but the truth they really are. And sometimes when we loved someone too much, we are in a point where we feel ourselves is not that important except that someone's. And we would start to put ourselves not as a priority, when we know we should.

  The point Im writing this right now is yeah thats how I feel for the past year. It was so hard to forget someone, even there are others trying to get close, I will just cut them out before they even start to get close.

  But sometimes when I  fell to hard to the point I would do everything for that person, it means Im also letting myself fall and break again. Till the day I dont know who would or who even want to pick and heal me up. Life is so unfair I can say. But I cant just blame life when the point is the fate is not for me.

  But well starting from now I will start to not fall in love cause I know everything that fall does break, but I want to grow in love cause I know everything that grows will turn into something beautiful.

And yeah thats all for today's update, see you on my next story,
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Sincerely,

Shintya Theresha Silvana

Long Weekend Getaway

Hi guys welcome back.
It's been kind of long time since my last post, sorry I've been not that productive in writing lol.
Well since I got no idea what to write and that's why I decided to not write
But well, on last Eid Mubarak or last 24th of June 2017, my friends and I decided or planned to visit Kuching, Malaysia. We went there by Bus from Pontianak, Indonesia, we used Damri's bus which is cost us about Rp. 410.000,- for each of us, it was for round trip.

Well, actually the bus ticket's price from Indonesia to Malaysia is only Rp. 230.000,- and the one from Malaysia to Indonesia is Rm. 180,00,- (with the exchange rate Rm. 1 = Rp. 3000,-)
Okay, let us jump to the trip.

We left the International bus' station around 9.15 PM which is scheduled 9.00 PM but I guess it is ok, since it only delayed 15 minutes. At that time my friends and I got the back seat. And well my friends' names are Kelly and Vebiola. They are my high school friends. And that night I swear I was so tired and since I feel nausea I remembered that I threw up for 4 times. Well, I know that it is so bad. And cause of that I was nearly give up and have no idea what should I do if I kept throwing up. We arrived at the country border area, Entikong, Indonesia around 2.00 AM. I knew it cause I was awake when the bus stop. And well we need to  wait til 5.00 AM for the gate to open so we can go to imigration to have our passport stamp.

Well, it took us some kind too long in Indonesia's Imigration. after we got our passport stamped we left and still need about 2hours or something to finally arrived at Kuching's International Bus Station.

So let's move on from my road trip. I finally arrived at Kuching, and picked up by my mom's friend, well my mom's friend has a lodging and my friends and I decided to stay there for 2 nights.
it is located in Lorong Rock 2C NO. 68.

this is the name card of the lodging's owner

I arrived there around 11 AM, I know it is so late already, so my friends and I decided we just gonna take a bath then go out for luch. we decided to have lunch at the nearest restaurant there, well I'm sorry I forgot the restaurant's name and didnt take any pics of the food there. But for the rate it is ok. well kind of too sweet I guess lol, after having our lunch we just walk to buy simcard cause the wifi in our lodging was so slow and we think we can't stay just with that slow internet connection lol, the sim card cost around Rm 8,00 and also have Rm 5,00 balance in it, also with unlimited internet access for Instagram, facebook and 200 minutes free calls. But I bought Rm. 10,00 balance for watching youtube lol. 

After that we decided to go back to the lodging, and I slept again cause I was so tired, while my friends just wacthing K-drama. I woke up around 5.00PM Malaysia's time. and we take a bath and order an uber to Everise it is like a shopping centre. Yeah we shopped way too much there lol, we bought snacks, noodle, accessories, coffee and many more. after that we just went to have dinner at foodcourt near there. around 8.30 we decided to go back to the lodging I know we didnt go anywhere that much for that day 1. 

Day 2, I didn't sleep much the night before. I slept around 2 in the morning and woke up at 6, cause was disturbed by my friend. and my friends up around 9 in the morning, then we just get ready, and well after we are ready we order uber again to Vivacity Megamall. it was around 12 I guess. we arrive there and shopping again I know we spent too much time for shopping lol, after that we have our lunch at the food court, I was having a japanese cuisine

it is Gyudon

after having our lunch we just head to Kaison it is a store that sell so many cute things thats why we decided to go there. and yet again we shop again lol. we spent time there for around 2 hours I guess. then we decided to go back to the lodging to have a rest. after that around 5PM we head to main bazaar, it is a place to buy 'ole ole' lol if you are Indonesian and you're reading this then you know what I mean haha. we were there till 7PM, after that we order another uber to go to Spring mall. to well shop lol we actually looking for something but we didnt get the thing we want. so after that we just decided to have dinner. Well we were having Indonesian's cuisine lol. 

After that we just back to the lodging again using uber. we arrive a  our lodging around 11 PM. after that we just pack our things cause we gotta go back the next morning. our bus left around 8 AM Kuching's time or around 7AM Indonesia's time. 

well yeah thats it lol, I know its boring but I promise to try harder on my next travel blog. I'm promising myself to travel more lol. well okay that it is my first travel blog lol. I know I didnt spend that much time, but promise to go back there soon. and going to travel the city more.

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your truly

Shintya Theresha Silvana.

Happiness?

Hi, it's been a while yep I know.
So happiness, what is the first thing you remember about happiness?

Happiness is a noun. A thing that everyone wish to have. Or a thing that everyone would do anything to have. But have you ever imagine or does it ever just crossed your mind, like I mean do you think that you are happy right now? Do you think that you have that happiness? Do you feel grateful and blessed for all the thing that you have right now?

Alright, let's start it.....

Well, I'm a 18 teenage girl, who is currently busy in university life. It was fun at the start, no, it's not like I'm saying it bores me now. It just kind of getting in my nerves. I truly am happy for my uni thingy, but it feels like I'm in my comfort zone. I want something more. Like something that is challenging me. But well that's not the topic lol.

A definition of happy for me is being surrounded by people who loves and cares for you. And I do have them. But the problem is that I was that kind of want-everything-to-be-perfect person. I imagine too much about my life, I sometimes hope too much too.

And the problem is that not all plans or things are going to be as perfect as how I wish it is. It is sometimes getting out of my plans, it turned out to be something that is making me stressed or even depressed. I sometimes hate myself, like why I want everything to be perfect, why I'm that kind of perfectionist person.

Till one day it hit me. Really hard. And I think of everything. People may think that I have a happy life, people may see that I laugh, but one thing they never know, everytime I go back home after hanging out or something, me myself use to sit for minutes or even hours just to think about what had happened when I was going out. Did I say something wrong? Or did I do something wrong?

It kills me if there is. It's hard being all nice and perfect, but it kills me even harder if I'm not.

Then I start to think do I really deserve this? Acting all good when I can't even smile to myself. I often lay awake at night just think do I have my happiness, or do I deserve a happiness? I start telling myself to not expect too much from everything, to just let it flow and let it be. To just enjoy the moments. Cause doing something silly sometimes more fun than being all planned.

Though it's hard when I started to do that, but the effect now is I didn't think that much, I didn't feel like it's my job to make everyone pleased. Though till today lay awake at night is still like a habit for me, but laying awake now is more for myself and God. Yeah, I started to be more open to God. It helps. A lot actually.

I talked to God for hours. I thank Him everyday, for every breath and health He gives me. I thank Him for the good or even bad things that happen to me. I feel more of a grateful person now. It's good to have someone to talked to, but what make is great is that I talked to Him, The father for those who believe.

And what I'm amazed of His greatness is that no matter how bad I am, no matter how ungrateful I am in the past, or maybe now, He is still here, and He is here for those who wants to talk to Him, those who wants to be open up with Him. It feels so great.

And for me Happiness is more about your relation with your God.

Last but not the least

Happiness is letting go of what you think your life is supposed to look like and  celebrating it for everything that it is.

Every sixty seconds that you spent upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

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yours truly,

Shintya Theresha Silvana

How to Work on the Relationship

   At the beginning of your relationship, you might be confused whether or not your relationship will work out or last. When you started a relationship you are usually one of two minds. One, this person is the ONE and you envision bed and breakfasts, white picket fences and puppies in your future. Two, well, this person is the one for right now, nothing too serious, we're just having fun.

   The most important thing in a relationship is how you are willing to make it work and last. You want to have a relationship to start a family right? It's definitely the thing that all people wants when they start to have a relationship. A relationship is a way to get to know you partner better. 

   And here is some tips about ways to make your relationship work, I got it from some blogs, posts, etc:

1. Play together. Develop mutual interests with your partner to help your relationship grow or stay strong. It's important to have common interests other than your love for each other. At first, passion may be enough to keep your love going, but once your relationship matures, it's important to share common interests or activities so that your relationship stays fresh.^[1]

• You should work on sharing hobbies, whether you bake desserts every Sunday, or find a TV show that you watch together each week.
• Have a couple culture project. You can decide to watch at least one movie together a week, or have your own mini-book club. That way, you can motivate yourself to learn new things and keep your conversations interesting.
  

         2. Maintain some individual passions and friends. Healthy relationships are secure enough so that each of you can get some space every now and then. While it’s important to share passions, you should still have something that’s just yours whether it’s a weekly spa visit or a poker night with your friends.

• It's just as important to spend the night with your sweetie hanging out with friends as it is to have some alone time regularly. Balancing time apart with time together promotes interdependence. Both of you absolutely need it in order to maintain your own interests, as well as to realize how grateful you are when your partner is around.

    3. Find solo joy. Don’t count on your partner to bring you happiness. Just as you should make sure to have your own hobbies, you should also be sure that you are happy on your own. So many people enter relationships hoping that their mates will make them happy. This is an unrealistic expectation, and only causes the relationship to suffer.

• Whatever makes you happy, be sure you are doing that for you and not expecting your partner to bring you happiness. Set objective goals and take action daily to reach them. Build a strong support network outside of your relationship. Do work that adds meaning to your life

4. Show appreciation and support for your mate. Even if you think your love is rock solid, never take your loved one for granted. No matter how busy your days are, make time away from computers, phones, and televisions to catch up on each other’s days.

• Compliment your significant other at least once a day. For bonus points, find something new to say every time!^[4]
• Don’t come to expect your partner’s good deeds. Tell your date “thanks” when they show up with flowers. Showing appreciation reinforces positive behaviors.

     Well, that's for today's update about how to work on your relationship. Hope that I can help by the post, and hope to see you in my next post!!

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sincerely,

Shintya Theresha Silvana

ENVIRONMENTAL PROBLEMS THAT HAUNT US!!

As the year is coming to an end, and as I realized that I have not written any new blog, so well this is what I'm gonna tell you,

ENVIRONMENTAL PROBLEMS 2016

Our environment is constantly changing and there is no way to deny it. However, as our environment changes, so does the needs to become more aware of the problems that caused by it.

1. GLOBAL WARMING
Global warming has become an undisputed fact about our current livelihoods. Our planet is warming up and we are definitely one of the part of the problem. Or can I say  the biggest part of the problem? The climates changes like global warming is the result of human practices like emmision of greenhouses gases. And also the global warming is also lead us to the rising temperatures of oceans and causing the ice in Antartic melts, the sea's level to increase, and still so many things.

However global warming is not the only issue or problem that we should be concerned about.

2. POLLUTION
Pollutin of air, water and soil require million of years to recoup. Industry and motor vehicle exhaust are the number one pollutants.
air pollution is caused by the gases and toxins that was released by the industries, and soil pollution is majorly caused by industrial waste that deprives soil from essential nutrients.

3. OVERPOPULATION
Actually this is one took such a big part to in Environmental problems, cause the population is reaching unsustainable level as it faces a shortage of resources like water, fuel and food. It just overpopulation is one of the crucial current environmental problems.

4. NATURAL RESOURCE DEPLETION
Once again natural resourse depletion is of the crucial environmental problems lately, as we realized that the natural resource has been decrease so much. Globally people are taking efforts to shift to renewable the sources like biogas, solar and wind.

5. CLIMATE CHANGES
Climate changes is yet another environmental problems that has surfaced for these  last couple of decades. Climate change has various harmful effects but not limited to melting of polar ice, change seasons, occurence of new dissease, frequent occurence of floods and still many more.

And actually there is still a lot of environmental problems that has been haunting us for these last year or decades, but I just made it into these 5 points, cause I think that 5 points is the problem that we met the most. I anyway I read it and googled it a lot, and I also read a lot about the environmental problems, or can I say that I have been through it too? That what caused me to decide that I want to write about the environmental problem or issue just to inform us that we should take a part to help our environment, we should at least try it from ourselves, and well that is what I think I can write or tell you guys about the recent news of our environmental problems, I hope you guys feel informed by this blog I write, and that's all for today, and see you guys.

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- Shintya Theresha Silvana

365 days without Mum

Dear mum,

Hey mum! How are you there?
Been a lot better right?
I know it. You must have met dad there, right? Oh you guys must be so happy with eachother right now.
But, mum missing you was never getting easier by day, it's getting worse each day. And I hate that feeling.

Time goes so fast, it still feels like it was just yesterday I still talk to you, then look how far we've come!
It's been 365 days, still remember your voice, all the things you told me. Your phone call everyminute when I was going out with friends.
Your phone call everyminute if I went home late.
To be honest I hate that phone call at that time, but guess what mum? Now I miss it so much. Hahaha but time has gone.

I cried endlessly when the doctor said that you died, but I know that all that live must die, passing through nature to eternity.

I don't realize that I have changed so much since last year. But today when I look back, I saw so many differences in my life.

Now, I'm the one that need to wash dishes, take a good care of leo, do the grocery shopping, cook, manage things, and many more. And surely now I am more of a responsible person. And Im happy for it.

And I still remember the things you always told  me that if you were gone than I will know how the real  life is. And mum, guess what? it is.

Life is never easy, but I manage to go through it a year without you, well eventhough sometimes crying is the only thing that will make me feel better, but after all of this now I know that You are okay there, and I'm happy for that.

Even if I hope that you were still here, but if with your death you will be free from the cancer, then I'm happy mum.

Cause it's better like this, than seeing you being so hurt cause of it.

Cause I know that cancer is really hard to go through and it's really hard to see the person you love go through it.

But that's one thing that I promise to myself that I will try my hardest that my children WILL NEVER have to say 'my mum died of cervix cancer.' Cause I know it is so sad. Cause I have been through it.

I often lie awake at night when the world fast asleep and take a walk down memory lane with tears upon my cheeks. Remembering you was easy, but the hard thing is knowing I can't just hug you.

People gotta judge me maybe when I posted this, telling  that I'm an attention seeker or whatever, up to them. I write this based on my feeling, and I don't care what people gotta say, cause I know that this is not a wrong or a criminal thing.

Last but not the least

Mum, for everytime I have let you down, for everytime I made you frown I know it is too late for an apology but still, I want to say sorry, like a fool I never realized the value of having a loving mother like you, I know you wanted me to outshine the rest, I promise to be the best person I can be, I promise to be the winner that you saw in me, it won't go vain, it won't escape your eyes. Cause I know you will be watching on me from the skies.

I miss you mum!

Ecclesiastes 3 : 1
" For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven "

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Sincerely,
Shintya Theresha Silvana

3年了，爸 你 好 吗 ？

3年了，爸 你 好 吗 ？ 

Dad, hi how are you there?
Time flies.  It still feels like it just yesterday. And missing you is  getting worse by days.
                                 
Today I remembered the color of your eyes, the things that we did how you made me laugh. All before I remembered the details of your death.

3 years ago. 7 August 2013, 4.18pm.
The day which I fear the most. The day that seems as my last day to see you laugh. But I know that day is the birthday of your eternity life. And now you've gone away and left us with the memories of your smile.

Sad? Yeah. Shocked? Of course.
But as how it is written in

{Romans 8:18} 'The pain that you've been feeling can't compare to the joy that's coming.'

And yeah dad, I miss our talks. Sometimes I just wish you were here so I could tell you how much I need you and how hard every day has been without you. Dad, death may have taken you away from me, but you will always be my hero.
    
Then after 2 years, 2 months and 16 days later. Or on last 23rd of October 2015. Mum went to meet you in the heaven. I cried endlessly when mum passed away. And that day was like the nightmare I have never imagined before.                                                    
Remembering all the things you and     mum always  telling me.           
To be strong. Because you knew that one day I will need the strength to bear your both loss right?

Sometimes I just wish you both were here so I could tell you both how much I need you and how hard everyday has been without you two.

Sometimes I just wish that heaven had a phone , haha so I could at least hear your voice for one last time.

Sounds Crazy? Stupid? Idiot? I know that's how I sound now. But is it wrong to miss somebody you loved the most?

But I know that millions words wouldn't bring you both back, cause I've tried. But I know you both are in a better place. The place where there's no pain. And I know that you both are at peace.                               

We may be separated by death. But we are always together by love.

I miss you mum and dad.
But I will hold you both tightly within my heart and there will remain. Until the joyous day arrives. That we will meet again.

[ Romans 8:2 ]
'Because through Christ Jesus the law of spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.'